I Will Never Open My Heart Again

12 things I learnt above love from a cleaved heart

I thought I'd had my heart broken before but, I clearly hadn't. This was it.

I'g 26, we're in the heart of a global pandemic, and I would say I've only experienced, not simply my start broken heart simply also my starting time existent experience of loss. Part of me feels like my loss was small in the one thousand scheme of things, but a loss is a loss. Grief is relative and every experience of information technology is and then valid. What I've been feeling has been i of the hardest emotional experiences and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

So if you're reading this and currently experiencing a cleaved heart, loss, grief or like, I hope that this blog post and my thoughts can shed even a little light for you lot. When y'all're in the depths of grief, loss and heartbreak, emotions can feel incredibly overwhelming and they aren't ever the easiest to navigate. Just you can navigate them (I 100% know you tin), if not by yourself then with the help and back up of family, friends and professionals.  Read my 11 benefits of counselling and reasons to exist proud of going hither.

One thing I've been determined not to do this whole time is to avoid the pain I've faced from my broken heart. Pushing down emotions and covering up hurting doesn't deliquesce it. Fact. That pain will nevertheless live in your body and will inevitably testify its confront over again be it emotionally, physically or mentally. When yous're faced with pain, y'all're faced with a challenge. The claiming is to sit with information technology, no matter how much it hurts. The challenge is to listen to what it's trying to teach you until you heal it.

I've certainly turned around this painful experience and have found many silvery linings which are shaping me into a woman I'm proud to be every twenty-four hour period.

My experience with heartbreak…

You lot guessed information technology! I roughshod in love and information technology didn't work out. In that location was an incredible corporeality of love between us, but things weren't right. Nosotros were triggering each other like crazy and nosotros sadly had to let get of our human relationship for the sake of our health and personal growth. One of the hardest realities I've e'er had to accept.

Though our collective ego will ordinarily accept to hate, to blaming and to pointing fingers at the end of a relationship, I'thou not here for any sort of arraign game. I hold nothing against him or what happened. I don't want to exist biting or to concord bad feelings where there was dearest. At that place'southward no right and wrong in my eyes; we were just on two private journeys and we weren't quite set up for each other.

My responsibility now, and always, is myself. I am allowing my experiences to always encourage healing, growth and learning and and so here are a few things I've learnt almost love from having a broken middle.

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12 things I learnt above love from a cleaved eye

ane. Ultimately no amount of honey can put two people on the same journey

We've heard it said before and I can stand testament to honest feelings and bad timing making for a painful combination. Sometimes you lot're merely not ready for each other. From the moment we are built-in and our souls take course in the human body, they are on a journey of growth and evolution. The rate at which we learn, expand and evolve though, I believe, depends on our outer circumstances and the environments we are exposed to. Every single person's journeying is different.

Ultimately the love nosotros all deserve is a dearest that encourages us to grow, explore and make mistakes. The love we deserve doesn't estimate us, it accepts us for where we are and it nourishes our human being experience. It encourages u.s.a. to exist ameliorate, to feel all the colours of being human. The beloved nosotros deserve hold boundaries but stands past our side for the ride.

Coming together someone yous love and meeting someone that'southward compatible with where yous are on your journey are two unlike things. Information technology doesn't make any journey more right or wrong than the other, but it's very difficult to take a relationship with someone that has contrasting ideas, dreams and beliefs to you. No matter how much yous dearest them. I securely care and dearest my ex only our relationship didn't bring out the best in each other no matter how much nosotros tried.

2. Romantic love oft exposes unhealed childhood wounds

Have yous ever felt like yous continually choose the same kinda guy? Do you discover yourself going round in circles and connecting the dots in your romantic encounters and thinking… surely this can't be a coincidence? Often it's actually not!

I've been doing so much reading recently into why, even though you know a relationship isn't right for you and it's not bringing out the all-time in you lot, you still crave it and desire it. I love my ex, I really exercise, but we got ourselves into some toxic cycles and I knew we were both bringing some unresolved wounds to the tabular array. By diving into what I bought to the table, I take been on the most powerful healing journey and I give thanks the human relationship incessantly for exposing these wounds.

Ofttimes we concenter partners or friends based on our subconscious conventionalities system, the system that nosotros created in our childhood. The beliefs most of us don't fifty-fifty know we have. Affair is, nosotros were all raised with a certain kind of love from our primary caregivers and that dearest has shaped the love we accept. Though in our minds, often, we know our relationship isn't healthy, on some level the dear feels familiar and nosotros still accept information technology. Fifty-fifty if it's bad.

Through recreating these relationships we are subconsciously trying to resolve childhood trauma and give our inner child what they crave(d), though ultimately past going for these people like to our primary caregivers, we are looking in the incorrect place. It's non your partner'due south job to ready your wounds. If your partner is on a healing journeying with yous, you can figure it out together just information technology'due south important to have responsibility for your wounds.

If you detect yourself in a relationship dynamic you know isn't right or salubrious, it's fourth dimension to heal. You can discover support from a therapist or trauma experienced counsellor to assistance dig into your inner child work. Meet my benefits of counselling blog post here.

3. Y'all can love someone and still need to walk away

I institute this part the absolute hardest. I had always thought that one time yous found love, love would overcome anything. I couldn't quite empathise why I had to give up such a feeling now that I'd finally found information technology.

But on the other hand I now know how huge my capacity to love is and that's not going anywhere. Information technology'due south the most cute feeling to come across into the eyes of another soul so clearly. But dear and compatibility, as mentioned previously, are two different things. Information technology doesn't feel natural to walk away from something or someone you dearest just if the red flags are there, you might just need to. Walking away physically doesn't mean you end loving someone in your heart, you just have to learn to dearest them from a altitude. For me, I had to walk abroad from love because unfortunately it came at the cost of my growth and well-being.

4. The parts that feel the about painful will direct you to your healing

I knew the break up was the right thing for united states, but information technology didn't make it any less painful. My challenge was to sit down with the hard feelings and allow them uncover flaws and vulnerabilities in my own conventionalities organization. For case when I felt intense sadness, I'd enquire myself questions similar 'what am I actually scared of hither? What beliefs are lying underneath this feeling? I've walked away from something that wasn't skillful for me then what's getting in my way'

And my answers were my biggest indicators for work. These were the areas I needed to send love, jiff and healing to…

'What if I never love like this again?'  'Was I not worth it?' 'Am I unloveable?' 'Why wasn't my honey enough?' 'Am I too much?'

Side by side time you feel overwhelmed, pay attention to what thoughts are going through your mind. What's going on beneath the surface? Be really honest with yourself, it's the only fashion.

5. Permit yourself to be where you are, always.

The biggest bulwark to healing is acceptance of exactly where you are. Oft when nosotros experience certain depths and feelings, we don't fully let ourselves to express them. Nosotros get frustrated that nosotros are still feeling a sure way and many people will tell united states of america to 'become over it' and  'move on, he isn't worth information technology'. All of these comments, though they come from a loving place I'k sure, are asking you lot to be somewhere you lot aren't ready to be all the same.

Telling someone you're fine when you're actually feeling like shit, does yourself a huge disservice. Exercise that and you must spend the day pretending to be somewhere yous're non which is incredibly exhausting. If you're feeling sad, feel deplorable. If someone asks you if yous're okay, say you're not. Give yourself a chance to limited the pain you're in and give the people around you a chance to be there for you and offer wisdom.

If you lot have a broken eye or whatever kind of emotional pain, let yourself feel information technology for as long every bit you need to experience information technology.

Co-ordinate to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, 90 seconds is all information technology takes to place an emotion and let it to dissipate while yous simply discover it. Read more hither.

6. There'southward null anyone can say to speed up your healing

In that location's no shortcut to pain relief, not even your over-the-counter drugs will help y'all with a broken centre. This shit needs to be felt out. You have to feel it, to heal it. Information technology'due south been about 6 weeks since my break up and I've honestly sabbatum in all the pain. I've sat in it and sabbatum in it until understood what the pain was telling me and why I didn't need to experience that hurting anymore. That'south not to say I don't think about him every day, there are reminders everywhere, simply information technology's less painful now. Fourth dimension and awareness are cardinal hither.

Let yourself fourth dimension to become through the motions of having a broken middle. Once I'd accepted that it may well be I love him for the rest of my life, I started looking at how exactly I'd alive in peace, notwithstanding holding that love in my center. If you're supporting a friend going through loss/heartbreak, simply allow you know that you lot are there, for however long the pain is however present.

7. Your listen isn't always your best friend

Over the terminal year, since reading A New Earth, I've been on an incredible journey into awareness. It's only past taking a step back from my thoughts that I've been able to take back command of my energy and life.  Learning to separate from your heed during a cleaved heart is absolutely essential in my eyes to heal finer.

Our thoughts are a abiding ticker tape going on in the background. I think we have like 60-70,000 a day or something crazy. Thoughts, equally we know, can be wonderful but they can also be very damaging. When a relationship ends the mind tends to reel off more of the latter, the negative. If yous aren't careful these thoughts catastrophise and before you know information technology? You're on a downward spiral and you're in a hole. We've all been there.

Remember, you are not your mind. Larn to quieten your mind and your life will change forever…

8. Presence is your all-time friend

If you're unfamiliar with the terms 'ego' and 'witting awareness', may this be the moment you open your heart to it. Don't dismiss me already, I know information technology can seem a little 'wavy'. Bear with me. Meditation, yoga and spiritual practise can indeed exist overwhelming when you start becoming curious about it and looking online. You don't need to be meditating every minute of the 24-hour interval to experience the benefits of meditation. You just need to take the first step.

Start with my FREE beginner's guide to meditation here. If you're curious (you're in for an exciting journey) and so become yourself a copy of Eckhart Tolle'southward 'A New World'. This was single-handedly the book that transformed my consciousness. I accept so much to thank Eckhart for. He is an incredible leader.

9. You lot can only take responsibility for yourself

In life and in love, the only matter we can look after and initiate modify in is ourselves. Fact. We cannot change other peoples minds and we cannot change other peoples journeys, no matter how difficult nosotros attempt. I've learnt the hard way on this one likewise.

I very easily autumn into the caregiver part and I can end upwardly taking responsibleness for looking afterwards other people a picayune too much. That'southward not always a bad matter simply if the person you're caring for, isn't caring for themselves, it can be exhausting. I took a lot of responsibility in my contempo human relationship and it drained every bit of free energy in my body, to the signal I got sick. Ultimately if the person doesn't take activity to alter themselves, no amount of love or care from you will proceed them on a sustainable healing journey.

Every bit a partner in a relationship, you can simply ever offer love and support. Wanting to alter someone and non accepting them for who they are and where they are is extremely unhealthy dynamic and information technology'due south non off-white on either of y'all.

10. Love doesn't end when the human relationship does

Gosh, this scene from Eat Pray Love makes me weep every time. Every single time.  Is it only me?

'I miss you'

'So miss me. Send me dear and light every fourth dimension you think of me, then drop it.'

The bittersweet affair about loving someone, if it's pure love and not just zipper, is that role of your eye will always comport that beloved for them. I know I will e'er love him, whether he is in my life or not because of how our love has shaped me. I actually don't want to deny myself of that love or to try and push it abroad. It's still painful at the moment but it'due south already getting less and less so. To love is the most beautiful feeling in the globe and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. So I guess I am learning to agree that beloved but to send love from a altitude. I am learning to beloved just not permit it consume me.

xi. Healing is an everyday delivery

Healing requires commitment, it'due south not a session you volume with a counsellor and suddenly you're fixed. In fact, there's no end goal to healing, it's a lifestyle option. The journeying of healing ourselves is a choice we must make every day. Information technology is single-handedly the most rewarding and valuable journey I've e'er been on and it'southward an absolute dream to become to know myself and undo all the ideas I'd had near myself every day.

12. Words are just words without action to back them up

This is a hard lesson to acquire. We've all been there with relationships, friendships, family unit and even in the workplace, haven't nosotros? People will make you lot all sorts of promises, people will sit with you to create all sorts of dreams and build so much hope (admitting with proficient intentions) but be careful that y'all aren't mistaking what was potentially on the horizon for what was really in front of you. Oft our dreams/illusion of someone is whats keeping us there.

A really helpful exercise for me was to write downward the love and human relationship that I dreamt of having and then a list of the love and the relationship that I was actually experiencing.

The ii can exist very dissimilar and that'southward non to say progress cannot be fabricated and promises can't exist kept just I practise know that next time I invest my love in someone, I will be sure to distinguish between their words and their deportment.

Sometimes the person in front of you simply does not have the capacity to show upwardly in the way you deserve, sometimes they convince you they will and sometimes they fifty-fifty convince themselves. Words are to be taken lightly and should e'er be backed up with action.

What have you learned from heartbreak?

I've love to hear your thoughts.

Beloved as always and happy adventuring,

Mollie.

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Source: https://weareglobaltravellers.com/2020/08/broken-heart-lessons/

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